Summer Break ✅

I tried to back off my drive to achieve and just enjoy my very favorite season—the sigh of my body as it hits the warmth, the sun, the humidity; the song of the cicadas on my evening puppy walks; and the rustle of the trees with all their leaves intact. Oh, and sweaty runs and floating…a lot of floating.

The first week was absolute bliss, I burned through some books, enjoyed soaking up every ounce of sun, and felt that wonderful warmth of gratitude in my belly every time Mollie and I took a walk.

Then, I got a little anxious. Then, I got a lot anxious. Then, I got mad at myself for not being able to get the “feeling” back. Then, I went on an awesome vacation that served as a beautiful distraction. Then my cleared calendar when I got home started to feel lonely instead of life-giving. Ugh.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that right now, even after a beautiful holiday weekend full of family, friends, and magical yoga in the park, I’m still sitting here with a pit in my stomach. There is still something barking at me, and my belly keeps shifting from that prickly pain of anxiety to that warmth of gratitude and back again.

So here are the lessons I have so far:

BALANCE is the name of the game, not all-or-nothing. Going from extreme doing to extreme non-doing is still pushing too hard to one side instead of seeking the middle. Balance is just as much about healthy full plates as about taking time to rest. I think I pushed too hard towards rest instead of tuning into the whispers and understanding when I really needed rest and when I could take on a little more.
I still need to fall in love with me again. When I’m at my healthiest place mentally, I really enjoy doing things alone, listening to the birds on a great run, going to yoga, or pittering around a grocery store or a park (I love food, and shopping for food, especially when holiday food hits shelves :)).

But I’m not quite enjoying my own company as much as I used to. I think this has a lot to do with stirring up the past me in therapy. I’m ashamed of her deep down, even though logically I understand everything she was doing was trying to stay safe and numb from debilitating depression caused by trauma. I’m still working on accepting her and understanding her worth regardless of any achievement, accomplishment, or social invitation. This free time on summer break made me face myself more head-on. I really started to question my value as a friend, wife, and professional—no fun.
Chaos can be comforting. Just when I think I’ve done so much learning about trauma, another “ah ha” comes up almost every time I read (or listen to) another book. Right now that book is What Happened to You and the ah-ha was that people who lived in chaos as children oftentimes feel more comfortable in that environment than in peace and calm. Sometimes that shows up as an attempt to create some sort of chaos in your life simply to feel more comfort, and/or to confirm a belief that still haunts you.

My comfort in chaos shows up in trying to create change, my heart aches for change when I’m in this not-so-healthy head place. And my belief is “no one really cares about me,” so of course an empty calendar triggers that “seeeee…I toooold you” in my brain. I could write a whole blog just on this, and I may.

I so wish I had a better update.

But I am also immensely grateful to continue to learn and to be in a place where I can acknowledge this work, honor it, and have the space, time, and resources to continue to work on it.

So if you’re where I’m at I see you.

It’s a common place to be this time of year believe it or not. The shift in seasons can be hard on achiever brains…and any brains for that matter.

Let’s keep working together.

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A woman is running with two dogs in a park.

Balancing a Brain that’s Fighting Back

By Katherine Warren • April 6, 2025

Your brain will straight up lie to you. There’s no way to sugar coat that, friends, there just isn’t. But your brain also creates beautiful ideas and inventions, and well, everything you see that surrounds us. It’s the power of the AND. Your brain is the king of the “and.” The first step in finding balance is recognizing this. The second step is discerning the beautiful part of your brain from the beast. The third is not reacting to, judging or negotiating with the beastly part. It’s tough, tough work. It’s lifelong work. And even if your friends start calling you things like the “definition of balance” (a term so kindly bestowed on me by some friends recently). You’re still gonna have to work your a** off on this part for the rest of your life as you sway back and forth, in and out of balance. Does it get easier? Yes and no. The beauty of understanding the feeling of balance is that you don’t have to rely on your brain so much. You know how it feels to be in a place of solid, grounded peace, no matter what your brain is shouting you “should” or “could” be doing. The harder part is that the more you find balance, the more likely it is that you are upleveling your life. Your focus and pure presence have likely brought about more of whatever you define as a successful life--mentally, physically, or materially. That uplevel can mean those brain lies cut a little deeper, make you question every decision you make to protect your peace. If you’ve learned to sit with that pain in your belly, it might fight a little harder to make you pay attention to it. It might put up a bigger fight to try to force you to listen to those untruths. This is when you have to remind yourself, your brain will straight up lie to you. Under no circumstances should you negotiate with these thoughts. That’s where spiraling lives, that’s where lack of balance lies. Sometimes holding hard to your balanced routines will do the trick.