Just like everything else, there’s balance (almost an art) in being vulnerable. Share enough of your story so people see the real YOU, but no need to wallow there for long, or share every bit of the story. You don’t have to rip your whole heart open all the time to connect. And no one really wants or needs to hear an hour-long story. Especially not in the world we live in today.
People just need to see and hear about the real YOU, and then you can move on. No need to sit in trauma, or relive things that don’t feel good. This vulnerability work is about connecting, not causing more hurt on your path to healing.
I think this can be especially challenging at work; knowing how much to share, how not to overshare, and what lies in between.
Here are a few ways I try to show up as a leader while balancing the art of vulnerability:
- I show who I am. I try to be the same person once I step in my office or on a Zoom call that I am if you go out to coffee with me or grab a cocktail. I don’t shift who I am based on who I’m around, but I do manage my behavior based on my environment.
Here’s an example, at home, my happy place is blasting music in the kitchen, singing my very best karaoke version of whatever is playing, and dancing around while I cook (quite possibly with a glass of wine and a playful pup at my side). At work, I don’t go bouncing around singing, but I share that piece of me with my coworkers through stories. I love to tell people about my uncanny ability to know every song lyric and how I swear I could be a genius if I didn’t have all those lyrics taking up space in my brain.
- I share stories that help. If I went through something hard that I think would help someone else learn or relate more to me, I share it. Again, I don’t have to share all the nitty, gritty details, just enough to help that person get where they need to go or at least understand they aren’t alone in the journey.
An easy example of this is if you screwed up at work, and now someone you’re leading made a similar mistake, tell them you’ve been there. Empathize instead of reprimand and watch that person bloom. Feeling supported instead of scolded creates happy, healthier, (= more productive and accountable) team members 95% of the time.
- I “use my words.” People that work with me are probably sick of this phrase, but I don’t know of a better way to say if I feel something is important (good, bad or slightly crazy) I say things out loud. I never, ever expect people to read my mind. This takes courage sometimes, but I always remember another gem from my yoga teacher training that helps me do it, “if the intention behind what you are saying is love (not defensiveness or hurt), it is always the right thing to say.”
And if you think my team at work might be slightly over this phrase, just imagine my poor husband. If we have words we need to say, I’ve been known to follow him around the house until we have them.
- I try to admit when I’m wrong. This one was hard for perfectionist, cardboard Katherine, but it’s been key to me opening myself up to life. This one addition to my arsenal helps me be a better leader, team member, wife, sister, and pretty much a better everything.
What’s the most beautiful part of all this vulnerability and balance? You don’t have to be great at it all the time for it to work.
These tools are ones I try very hard to follow, but I don’t all the time. I still shut down sometimes when I should open up. I still opt for cardboard Katherine sometimes when I don’t feel safe.
But using these tools even 80% of the time can uplevel your leadership skills like never before, and move mountains in your quest for real balance.
-
Do me a favor? If you’re enjoying this journey towards a balanced life please
subscribe, share it, and follow my
Instagram for smaller bites.
