The Messy Post

I have recently convinced her generous soul to be my accountability partner on this blogging journey because I read a book that said I needed one. We chatted a bit about life, work, home projects, you know, as friends do. I told her I was taking a little time away from the world (2 days to be exact) because I was struggling to maintain my balance and couldn’t quite find my way out.

After I shared my mini break with her, I quickly put back on my cheery voice and said, “so anyway, how are you doing with your goal for the month?” (I’m serving as her accountability partner for a wellness goal.) She stopped, looked me dead in the eye and said, “I see what you’re doing, and we’re not going to do that, back to YOU, how are YOU doing?” And that’s when I welled up, teary-eyed in the middle of Starbucks.

The queen of redirection from herself had just lost her crown. Thank God for real friends who see through you.

I told her I was actually in the middle of a really hard time, I told her I was desperately reaching for every tool in my tool kit and still coming up short. I was drowning in death anniversaries of both parents, on the brink of burnout from a lot of tough personal and professional obligations, and something (yet to be determined) is seriously triggering one of my main trauma responses – the fear of losing everything I’ve fought so hard for. I have to power through most days right now and end each evening and weekend completely spent, making any “fun” I have planned feel more like yet another obligation.

“I’m napping every weekend!” I told her. “Both days most weekends!” “Wow,” she said, “that is totally not you.” Again, bless her.

In an effort to keep me from completely losing my shit in Starbucks we continued on with our work. We reviewed my accountability assignment and I shared with her that I was struggling with what to write this week when I’m in this head space. Who am I to share advice on balance when I’m feeling as far as humanly possible from it??

“You need a messy post,” she said. “Write about this.”

So here it is, a reminder to you and to me that some seasons of your life are a downright struggle. And that it’s perfectly ok to be a melty mess AND still share what you know about the world, AND still have people learn from you, be led by you, etc. You can still show up and have a seat at the table when things are hard.

In fact, I think choosing to still show up, even when it’s messy, might be a huge opportunity for me to continue to heal and grow.

So what else am I doing to try to navigate my way through the mess? More yoga, a few more 2-minute meditations, but I’m also trying to prioritize time for the things I used to like to do when I had more energy and more time. And reminding myself that even though I’m tired, these things will help, because I’m not physically exhausted, I’m mentally exhausted.

It took me a while to remember the things that used to bring me joy.

Here’s my list so far: driving long distances with music blaring, taking a slow tour around Whole Foods looking at all the new holiday food, taking longer walks in different locations and taking some mornings back for ME (not work or chores).

So that’s it, the messy post. I will report back on how all of this is going. In the meantime, I wish you a little sliver of peace from your mess, more time to do the things you love, and the wisdom to know it’s worth it.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

A woman is running with two dogs in a park.

Balancing a Brain that’s Fighting Back

By Katherine Warren • April 6, 2025

Your brain will straight up lie to you. There’s no way to sugar coat that, friends, there just isn’t. But your brain also creates beautiful ideas and inventions, and well, everything you see that surrounds us. It’s the power of the AND. Your brain is the king of the “and.” The first step in finding balance is recognizing this. The second step is discerning the beautiful part of your brain from the beast. The third is not reacting to, judging or negotiating with the beastly part. It’s tough, tough work. It’s lifelong work. And even if your friends start calling you things like the “definition of balance” (a term so kindly bestowed on me by some friends recently). You’re still gonna have to work your a** off on this part for the rest of your life as you sway back and forth, in and out of balance. Does it get easier? Yes and no. The beauty of understanding the feeling of balance is that you don’t have to rely on your brain so much. You know how it feels to be in a place of solid, grounded peace, no matter what your brain is shouting you “should” or “could” be doing. The harder part is that the more you find balance, the more likely it is that you are upleveling your life. Your focus and pure presence have likely brought about more of whatever you define as a successful life--mentally, physically, or materially. That uplevel can mean those brain lies cut a little deeper, make you question every decision you make to protect your peace. If you’ve learned to sit with that pain in your belly, it might fight a little harder to make you pay attention to it. It might put up a bigger fight to try to force you to listen to those untruths. This is when you have to remind yourself, your brain will straight up lie to you. Under no circumstances should you negotiate with these thoughts. That’s where spiraling lives, that’s where lack of balance lies. Sometimes holding hard to your balanced routines will do the trick.